If I Can't Have You
by kittilockhart
Summary: This is set just after Chris and Rachel got together. Its the end of term and Rachel gets a shock when Eddie plans on returnng but how will Chris react ?
1. Chapter 1

Rachel pulled up in her usual spot in the car park. She took in a deep breath and then stepped out of her car. It was the last day of term, and she was most definitely looking forward to the holidays. She walked up the stairs into her office and greeted Chris with a kiss.

"Good Morning" Chris said with a cheeky smile on his face.

Rachel returned the smile as she sat behind her desk. The last day of term had always been relaxed and fun for most of the staff and pupils, but she had never had much luck with them, what with the fire at the end of her first year at Waterloo Road and then half the school being knocked down, and almost her along with it, by a psychopathic Ralph Mellor. So she couldn't quite shake off the anxious feeling that had been shadowing her all morning.

"Looking forward to the holidays then?" he said while throwing himself onto the sofas.

"Can't wait to get out of here and relax" she replied with a smile creeping back onto her face at the thought of no more early mornings, paperwork and just school in general for 6 weeks.

"Relax?" Chris said with a playful shocked look on his face "This can't possibly be Miss Mason I'm speaking with....Miss Mason relaxing!!"

"Ha ha ha very funny Mr Mead" she said as the bell rang for first period.

"Now do you not have a class to teach?"

"I'm going I'm going" he laughed placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before heading out of her office.

Rachel sunk further into her chair. For once she had nothing to this morning. She had caught up with all of her paperwork and any last minute business that needed sorted before the end of term 2 days ago so she didn't have to rush through everything on the last day. She got up from her desk and went to the coffee machine and made herself a cup of coffee. As she placed the cup down on her desk, she noticed an envelope addressed to her. The hand writing was familiar but she couldn't quite make out whose it was.

She opened it up and read it through.............her eyes widened as she read further into the letter and when she had finished she stared at it in disbelief.

It said...........

_Rachel _

_I can't begin to tell you how I am feeling just now. Mellissa has just informed me that the child is not mine. I can't believe we even trusted her from the start, after all we've been through. I've never stopped loving you and Ii know I don't need to tell you that. I can't even begin to think all of the hurt I've caused you when I left but you know I only agreed because we knew it was for the best._

_I can't deny my feelings anymore Rach and even if the baby were mine I don't think it would have changed what I feel because I love you too much to let you go. I'm coming to see you today at lunch and we're going to sort this out once and for all._

_All my love_ _Eddie x_


	2. Chapter 2

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**I didn't want to keep you waiting so heres chapter 2 x**

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A million thoughts all came crashing through Rachel's mind. The baby......Mellissa lying to them.....Eddie.....the day they broke up......and in seconds all the heartache of the last 4 months came rushing back. Her eyes were filling up, her tears were threatening to fall but she forced them back. She looked at her watch 10.37 am. She had less than an hour and a half to go until Eddie would walk through that door and she had to get her head straight. She didn't know what to feel. Was she happy? Was she angry with Mellissa? Did she want Eddie back? Did she still love h......... She stopped herself at that moment. If there was one thing that she definitely, without a shimmer of doubt, knew out of all of this mess, it was that she most certainly did love Eddie and she doubted that no matter what happened she would ever stop.

She ran out of her office. She needed to clear her head. She didn't even know where to begin. She walked briskly by all of the classrooms and headed for the playground, and as if enough wasn't on her mind, as she walked by one classroom someone caught her eyes.

Chris.

She stopped dead in her tracks. Her wide eyes were fixed on Chris and panic rushed through her body. There was so much going through her mind that she hadn't even thought of Chris. What was she going to do? She couldn't just simply not inform him about Eddie, the baby, and Mellissa, and everything she had done to them. And she certainly couldn't not inform him of the fact that Eddie was the only man she truly loved and just hope that he would happily step aside and let her and Eddie sort things out. And her time to think of how to explain the situation to Chris was cut short as she returned from her trail of thoughts to find Chris exiting from his classroom and walking towards her.

"Rachel....you ok"?

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	3. Chapter 3

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"Yeah, course I am" she said forcing a smile across her face.

She couldn't just do that to him. He had every right to know what was going on. He was after all her boyfriend, the man she was suppose to trust, the man she was suppose to love. But she couldn't. Not here, not yet.

"I'm just off outside for some fresh air" she said "It's a bit stuffy in that office".

"Alright, just as longs your ok" Chris smiled.

"I'll see at lunch" he said before disappearing back into his classroom.

Rachel continued her journey to the playground. The sun shone across her face and she blinked adjusting to the light. She sat on the stairs and thought. She knew that she was not ready to face Eddie yet. She thought several times over the last few months that she was beginning to get over him, but then the slightest little thing like a picture or even just a memory of him would bring her right back to square one and sometimes reduced her to tears.

She sat there and thought everything through. In her mind she had it all sorted out. Firstly, she knew that she and Eddie still loved each other and now with the baby no longer their problem they could, although she knows it will take time, pick up where they left off. Secondly, she knows, well from her point of view, that herself and Chris's relationship isn't that serious, it was just a bit of fun, wasn't it? And she is sure that in time Chris will understand. He may be upset and hurt at first but he will surely get over it. She knew she would still have to deal with Mellissa and Philip and also a few weeks of awkwardness in the staffroom and in her office also and she knew that her and Eddie had a long, hard few months ahead of them but she was confident that she had it sorted out for now so she happily made her way back to her office.

She sunk back into her seat. Her original shock and panic was replaced with just a slightly nervous but also a sort of happy Rachel. But it was short lived as she knew that now she had to prepare herself for seeing Eddie and telling Chris. She glanced at her watch. God, had she been thinking for a long time. It was 11.52am. And knowing Eddie there was a possibility of him being early.

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	4. Chapter 4

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**Heres another chapter as promised, I tried to make it a little more exciting for you ;)**

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"Rach" said a familiar voice.

There could only be one person standing at her door at that point. The only person who called her by that name. Eddie.

Rachel sprang from her thoughts and stared at the figure standing before her. She was so deep in her thoughts she didn't notice him come in.

"Eddie" she said, slightly taken back by his sudden appearance.

None of them spoke, they both just stood and stared into each other's eyes, taking them both back to the day they broke up, the day Mellissa returned pregnant, the day Eddie almost lost the woman he loved _again_, the very last day they ever saw each other until this very moment. A tear escaped from Rachel's eye. Eddie stepped forward but stopped himself, unsure whether she would accept his comfort.

"I Love You" Rachel said, it was almost a whisper but Eddie heard it.

He continued towards her and held her in his embrace. She let out a small whimper at the feel of his body against hers and silently began to cry.

"I'm so so sorry" she whispered into his chest "so so sorry"

"Rach, you've got nothing to be sorry for" he said, sorrow building up inside at sight of the woman he loved breaking down in his arms. "The only person who should be apologising is Mellissa, after all she's done to us, all she's put us through."

"No, Eddie" she descended slightly from his chest and looked into his eyes "Its not just about everything that happened with Mellissa" she paused slightly "I.......I..." she gulped and tried again to explain to Eddie "I've been seeing someone."

She gazed into his eyes praying for him to say something.

"Eddie" she began, but she was interrupted by him.

"Rachel" he said wiping the tears from her eyes "I understand" he pulled her in tighter and rested his head on hers "I can't expect you to have not moved on since...well you know, but you told me you loved me, that's all I need to know" he lifted her head up so she was facing him.

"I Love You Rachel" he said stroking her hair "and I know it's going to be difficult but I promise, we will get through this, I'm never going to let you walk out of my life again, I'm never letting you out off my sight."

Rachel smiled and leant back into his chest. No matter what situation she found herself in he always seemed to make everything better. He leant down and placed a reassuring kiss on her lips. In return she ran her hands up his chest and placed them around his neck. It had been so long since she last felt his lips upon hers and in that one gentle, yet passionate kiss she felt how much he loved her and realised just how much she had missed his touch.

They were inconveniently interrupted by the sound of the school bell, signalling that it was time for lunch and just as Rachel thought she was over the worst of the situation, Chris's words from earlier on, when she was rushing outside to clear her head, came crashing into her mind.

_"I'll see you at lunch."_

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	5. Chapter 5

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**I'll upload another Chapter tonight for yous**

**I think you deserve it after waiting so long (: **

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She jumped from Eddies arms and stared helplessly at her watch and then gazed her eyes to the door of her office. It would only be a matter of minutes before Chris would walk through that door. And she would have no choice but to explain about Eddie. How would he take it? She couldn't expect him to just step aside and let her and Eddie carry on as if nothing had happened between them.

Eddie stared at her in confusion. He didn't understand why she had sprung from his arms.

"Rach..." he began but she stopped him.

"Look...Eddie." she took a deep breath before continuing. "You know I've been seeing someone else and.............. well it's my deputy Chris."

Eddie looked at Rachel. He could see tears filling her eyes once again. He was taken back slightly at the fact she had been seeing the man who had replaced him, but he now understood why she had jumped from his arms.

"So he doesn't know about me then." Eddie said.

"No.....he doesn't," she replied, "and he's on his way up to see me."

Eddie looked at Rachel. He could see the worry and fear in her eyes. He wanted to make it go away, but he just didn't know how.

"Oh Eddie what am I going to do." she said heading back behind her desk.

She sunk into her chair. She just didn't know how to tell Chris. Eddie walked up behind her, and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"It'll be alright," Eddie reassured her, "It will all work out in the end, I promise."

Rachel smiled. Although the situation she was in was rather awkward, she felt that with Eddie by her side she would manage somehow.

Eddie knelt by her side and held her in his arms. He could feel some of her worries disappear and knew that his words had made her feel at ease. She smiled into him and had almost completely forgotten about Chris until she heard his voice come from the entrance of her office.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Heres another Chapter for all of you (:**

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"Rachel.....what.....who.."Chris stammered staring at the man holding Rachel in his arms.

Once again Rachel jumped from Eddies arms and was faced with a confused yet slightly angry Chris.

"Chris...I...err.....this is Eddie." she looked at Eddie hoping for some help but it looked very unlikely he was going to be very helpful.

"Hi mate, nice to meet you."Eddie said, sticking out his hand to shake Chris's.

"Eh..yeah nice to meet you." He said taking hold of Eddies hand and shaking it.

Chris glanced back at an anxious looking Rachel who was staring back at him.

"Well I think I better leave you to it." Eddie said as he headed for the door whispering in Rachel's ear before he left.

"_I'll be right outside your office." Eddie whispered._

Rachel smiled at him before he disappeared through the door. She turned her attention to Chris and his confused look had being over took by anger.

"So are you gonna tell me what the hell that was all about." Chris almost shouted at Rachel.

"Look......Chris." she looked up into his eyes and then glanced over to the window. She walked over to it at stared out into the distance and prepared herself to tell Chris _everything._

"Last term...you know before the merge with John Fosters........well it was a very difficult year for me."

She turned back round to face Chris. He was staring at her waiting for her to explain.

"My sister got a job here and well she was engaged to Eddie." she felt tears fill up in her eyes but instead of stopping them she just let them flow down her cheeks as she continued to tell Chris about last term, about the baby and Mellissa.

* * *

"And .......well now Eddie has just discovered that the baby's not his." "Mellissa only said it to break us both up."

Rachel looked at Chris. She wanted him to say something but instead he just continued to stare at her as he had done the whole time she was speaking.

The bell to signal the end of lunch broke the silence that had filled the room but Chris didn't move. He walked over to the desk and picked something up and left, without a word. Rachel went over to her desk to see what Chris had taken but was disturbed by Eddie.

"So......what did he say." Eddie said.

"Nothing" Rachel replied "Nothing at all, not one word."

She sighed as she sat in her chair and looked up at Eddie. She honestly had no idea what Chris thought. What he really felt. He hadn't said a word and his expression did not change at all when Rachel told him everything that happened.

"I'm sure it'll take him some time before he can talk about it all." Eddie tried to reassure her but she still couldn't understand why he didn't speak.

"But Eddie he just walked out without a word, and when I was telling him about Mellissa and the baby and everything he just stared at me with no expression on his face, nothing that could tell me how he felt.

"What was it you gave him before he left." Eddie asked curiously.

"What....I didn't give him anything, like I said when the bell rang he just left" she looked up at Eddie slightly confused.

"Oh...it's just he had an envelope in his hand when he left and I...."

Rachel interrupted him.

"Oh no Eddie" Rachel arose from her desk gasping "the letter!"

"What letter?" Eddie looked at Rachel for an answer.

"The letter you sent me".

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